AUTHOR: tbooty DATE: 6/23/2004 09:25:00 AM ----- BODY: for those of you that are squeamish, you may want to bypass this post. this it the only warning you'll get. i've had a ton of people ask me about my lasik surgery experience. was i nervous? (no, not really) did it hurt? (not in the least) do i really have 20/20 vision now? (yes and it's freaking awesome!) etc, etc. i decided that i'd give ya'll a play by play, so to speak, of how the surgery went. make sure your lap belts are buckled snugly against your lap and that you keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times. here we go. i arrived at the lasik clinic at my appointed check in time of 10:30am on saturday morning. i was checked in and asked to have a seat in the waiting room. i sat there for about 5 minutes before i was called. i went into the office with the gal to go over my financing and to get a "hi my name is tani and i'm having both eyes zapped today. don't forget to put the plugs in my eyes so i don't have dry eye later!" name tag. we discussed that i was doing the 12 months-same-as-cash financing and that yes, i was in fact having both eyes done and plugs inserted. (i'll talk more about them in a bit.)then i went back to the waiting room. after about 5 more minutes, i was called and taken back to the pre-op room to go over the post-op instructions. i was in there with another patient who was waiting for post-op instructions. i was given a cap and paper booties to put on my feet. post-op instructions were as follows: after surgery, go directly home and take a 2-3 hour nap. in the fanny pack (they give you one with all this stuff in it) are a pair of sunglasses that you must wear for 2 weeks anytime you go outside, a pair of space-age looking goggles that you must wear for 2 weeks while you sleep (to prevent rubbing of the eyes and messing up the flap they're cutting), tape to keep the glasses in place while you're sleeping and various other drops to put in your eyes after surgery. then they start putting in the numbing drops. it's very weird to have someone else put drops in your eyes. then i sat there for a bit. more drops in the eyes. then back into the exam chair with the surgeon to double check the level of correction needed. (you know. what is the line furthest down you can read? is 1 better or 2? all that happy horseshit eye exam stuff) then you get to take the valium! woo hoo! then back into the pre-op room. i sat there for about 10 minutes (i guess) with my eyes closed (as instructed) until they came and got me. into the surgical suite. lay down on the table. they gave me a small stuffed animal to hang onto for the duration of the surgery. draped a blanket over me. covered the left eye. pulled the lower lid down and the upper lid up and secured them with some sort of adhesive drape. placed an eyeball speculum around the right eyeball. wiped my eye with some more numbing medication. (at least i think that's what it was. totally odd to have something WIPED across my eyeball!) "look at the green light". at this point i can see a green pinpoint dot and a red "blob" that resembles the images you get when you rub your eyes really hard or press against them hard and you see the after images. so picture it, if you will. you can't see out of your left eye because it's covered. you can't blink with your right eye because it's all held open. you are staring up at a green and red light, in addition to a very bright white light. then you hear....."your vision is going to fade out". and damned if it didn't! i'm lying there, KNOWING that my damn eye is wide freakin' open (i mean hell! i couldn't close the damn thing if i wanted to!) and I. CAN'T. FREAKIN'. SEE! that was a bit freaky. then, you feel a little pressure and you hear....."now everything is going to go out of focus" and they pull the flap back and you can't distinguish anything. (you can still see the red blob, but you can't even tell it's a blob.) then they do the laser thing. let me tell you. the laser thing? way cool. however, there was a small odor. i mean hello? they're BURNING your eyeball! then the flap is put back and drops are put in. the aforementioned plug is then inserted into your lower lid where your tears drain. this is to prevent your eyes drying out too much. there are two types of plugs. one is collagen and dissolves in about 45 days. this is the kind i got, as prior to surgery i did not have a problem with dry eyes. the other kind is silicone and does not dissolve. you can't even tell that they're in there. you can't see them and you don't feel them. rinse and repeat on the other side. you sit up from the table and can read the clock on the wall. ACROSS. THE. ROOM. very freakin' cool. the part that wasn't so cool? (apart from the SMELL of burning eyeball, that is.) having to wake up every 2 hours the first night to put drops into my eyes. this in and of itself wouldn't have been a big deal. however. miss gabbi (my fraidy cat) sleeps on the bed with me. every time i had to put drops in, i had to turn on the light. turning on the light and moving around to put drops in apparently signals to miss gabbi that mommy is awake and therefore miss gabbi wants to play and be petted. newsflash kitty: mommy is NOT awake, contrary to appearances! i suppose i shouldn't really complain. my cat loves me. but come on! --------